Calvin’s Library

In my struggle over the last few years to understand how the universe really works, and believe me, it has been a struggle, I could never quite grasp how my subconscious mind fit into the picture.

I knew it held all the memories from this life and all the others I’ve had. I knew it had to hold all my fear, anger and guilt acquired over that time also, because my guide Jasper, even though he has some personality issues, holds only positive and unconditional love for me.

So other than bringing negativity into my life, what was it’s purpose? And why did I keep it around and listen to it if I wanted to focus more on being positive and unconditional?

A while ago, Jasper gave me the visual of our earth lives being like a three layer cake, with our guides, our higher selves being the top tier, our present selves being the middle tier, and our subconscious, our baser self, being the bottom tier, all connected by a yummy buttercream frosting.

I thought I got what he was trying to teach, but once again, my puny human mind couldn’t grasp the whole picture.

So recently, I was writing a chapter about fear and the subconscious for my next book when I heard, “name it.” It was actually my friend Barb’s guide Ella speaking who decided we’d nibbled around the edges of this concept long enough and we were never going to understand it without some help.

As soon as I heard her say “name it”, Calvin popped into my head.

So hallelujah, finally, our trinity of Jasper, me and Calvin was complete!

Once I could name him, my subconscious was no longer a faceless entity that wanted to make my life more difficult. He was Calvin, a kind of shy and unemotional guy who was, in fact, more of a librarian than anything. While Jasper has access to my life plan, and basically all the wisdom in the universe, Calvin is the keeper of all the information specifically about me and my lives, which includes all the fear, anger and guilt I hoard like a crazy person.

Calvin doesn’t make me have fear, but when I encounter a life scenario where I’m unsure of the outcome, he goes into his library, pulls out one of my personal books of fears, and then shows me that in the past when I encountered a similar situation, I reacted with fear.

And he will continue to do that, because it’s his job, until I learn to cope with whatever negative emotion I’m having, and can hand him a rewritten book that says I no longer have to react with fear.

Calvin has no ownership of how I’m going to react in any given situation. He’s only there to show me that in the past, this or that particular old program has worked, because I’m still alive, so it might be something I want to do again.

He’s happy to change out your old, crappy books for new ones, but you have to give him a new one as a replacement, because he doesn’t like empty spaces on his shelves. Turn’s out, he’s a hoarder just like I am!

So how do we write those new books and get them to our librarians? That will have to wait until next time, so stay tuned!

Want to learn more about my spiritual journey with Jasper? Go to my blog page at

As always, love and light.